I turned off the lights seconds ago. This is where I begin to bring truth to the situation. I'm not a coward and don't intend to be for the next hundred years. I know I have bruises - a sore in my side - that signals self-inflicted pain. I know that I put my foot in my mouth half of the time and there's too much unsung songs waiting for your name to be written all over it. Also I'm aware the circumstances might change after seeing you. Finally. An overdue meeting between two beautiful people.
I've spent the last year filling myself up with love. It's been moons since I felt the sun in my bones. I want to show it to another person and I want him to be you. This secret parallels to a 3-year-old child in my heart, though it's been about six months. Six months ago I connected with you. It reminds me of a quote I came across that said 'I love you because the universe conspired us to meet' or something like that. I want to reach out and grab you, shake you and tell you that I'm available at your earliest convenience. I need you to know how I feel for you. I'm great at hiding my thoughts and leaving them to rush over my head during these pen bleeding sessions.
There's a sharp emptiness in my stomach that I feel when looking at your photo. My eyes fall to your yours. Oh the way it slants and stretches. It stretches as wide as your smile. It's a photo that I'm resenting to see in the mornings, when I am likely to receive a digitized message from you. I'd rather be laying in bed with you. My eyes fixated on yours. Our chins brushing against one another - I've got a few hairs that won't scare you. Promise. I want to hold up signs in the streets for you. I want to bring you home and have you exchange words with my parents. And I will remember every second of it. I could easily fall in love with you today, but I would favor having your friendship before we set it off.
I want to feel whole with you.
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